


Not Broken

by TheIrishNeko



Series: Eruri Drabbles [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Dad!Levi, Family, Ghost!Erwin, Ghost!Moblit, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Mpreg, Other, female!hange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 06:26:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12184680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIrishNeko/pseuds/TheIrishNeko
Summary: Levi deals with the loss of Erwin in a difficult way. Hange struggles too but knows that she and Levi will get through it together and move on.





	Not Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea that popped into my head.

Levi sat at his desk, numbly staring at the wall. He had been like this for a month and wanted to get out of it, but sadly he just didn’t want to do anything. It had been a month since everything. A month since he and Erwin spent their last night together in a passionate heat. A month since they were called up to take care of a situation with the titans where Eren thankfully saved most of them. A month since the death of his blonde giant.

His head turned towards the door when he heard a knock and watched it open to reveal the new commander of the Survey Corps. Her eyes were just as hollow as his, her hair in a messy state with pieces sticking out. Her clothes also begun to hang of her thinning frame. She carried a tray of food, for the both of them since they were the remaining veterans from their long lost friends. Together they made a promise to look out for each other until their own time had ended.

“Levi, are you up to eat again?” She asked carefully.

Levi nodded. Sure he was hungry, but he was also scared to get sick again. Nobody knew that he thought that he was secretly dying. He was always tired, always hungry, he was sick most mornings and he seemed to magically gain weight. He never told anyone in case they worried over him. He was an old soul of 35. He didn’t care anymore.

“You look a little better today.” She commented as she set the tray down and took the extra chair to sit down.

“I’m still… numb.”

She stayed quiet as she began to eat her portion.

“Hange… Do you believe in dreaming of things you know aren’t there but feels real enough?” Levi asked.

“Like talking to someone who’s gone?”

Levi nodded, grabbing his bread roll and taking a bite. “Yes.”

“Hmm I haven’t experienced it myself but the human mind is capable of really anything. Our brainwaves are strong enough to create these realities while we sleep. Why did something happen?”

“I saw Erwin. He was surrounded by this white light, all limbs there and his uniform pristine and free of blood.” His eyes began to water. “He hugged me and said that he’ll be waiting for ‘us’ one day. He told me to be strong and live for myself. But a noise woke me up before I could say goodbye.”

Hange lightly smiled. He could detect a bit of jealousy. He thought that maybe she wished Moblit could visit her like that. Levi wiped away his tears and ate more. He didn’t eat too much as he thought about what Erwin said. His stomach was turning again and he didn’t want to push it.

“Do you think ‘us’ meant you and I?” Levi questioned.

“Who knows. Dreams tend to warp words or we mishear them while we sleep. I wouldn’t dwell on it. Just be happy Erwin is living the best titan free life ever.” Hange smiled.

Levi attempted to eat some more but his stomach was refusing it. The nausea was getting too much for him and his stomach was going to spill really fast. Levi got up from his desk and dashed into the attached bathroom to kneel in front of the toilet and threw up into the bowl. Horrible sounds of retching echoed into the room. Levi heard the worried commander enter and kneel down next to him to comfort him. He leaned into her touch when she rubbed his back. He couldn’t help but let the tears fall as well.

Hange sniffled too. They were both broken. Broken hearts, broken minds, broken lives. All they had was each other. Levi felt better after cleaning out his mouth, but ended up having to lie down. Hange promised to check up on him later and told him to get his rest. Together they had a long road ahead of them.

**  
“Levi-”

“Thank fuck you are here!” The small soldier exclaimed when Hange opened the door to his room.

Levi was currently shirtless and his pants open but resting on his hips. His hair was in it’s perfect state and he looked as if he were glowing. He grabbed her arm and pulled her inside. Levi was starting to ramble and she couldn’t understand what he was saying.

“Levi, Levi. Calm down for a moment and let’s go over this one by one.”

The captain inhaled then exhaled. “I’m getting fat.”

Hange raised a brow and began to giggle. She earned a slap to her arm and she calmed down. “What do you mean fat? We are all eating the same tasteless garbage. We’d be lucky if we even gained weight back.”

“That’s just it. Look.” He brought her over to the mirror and stood there. “Either this mirror is fucked up or there is something wrong with me.”

“I don’t see what’s troubling you.” She shrugged.

“Look at my lower stomach. Like you can’t see it, but when I turn to the side, look!”

Hange looked closer to the mirror then moved to actually look at Levi. The Captain could see the gears turn in her head as she looked at the small bump forming in his lower abdomen. She then grabbed him and his shirt off the bed and dragged him to her lab.

“Hange, enough of the silly experiments! You are the commander now!” Levi tried to get out of her grip.

In her lab, she helped him onto a bed while she got out various tools and items. Levi couldn’t help but feel scared of the commander. If this was part of their promise to look out for each other, Levi wanted no part of it. He was then lightly pushed to lay flat while she examined him. She placed her stethoscope around his chest then his abdomen before stepping back. She was speechless about something. Shaking her head, she used her hands to press around the bump before letting out a gasp.

“What, Hange. What is it?” Levi asked, becoming terrified.

“I- I don’t know.” She dashed round her room looking through papers but coming up empty handed. “Don’t freak out.”

“Why would I-”

“Levi, you’re pregnant.” She told him dead on. “I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but… It’s something I can’t explain but I can confirm that you are pregnant. About 10-12 weeks.”

“I... “ Levi sat up and stared at Hange with wide eyes. He looked down to his stomach and could see the bump. Carefully he placed a hand on his stomach and felt the bump. It was small, took over his muscles and felt soft and tight. “Erwin…” He whispered.

“Levi?”

“Erwin.” He spoke up. “This is what he meant by ‘us’!” He put the pieces together. “He… well his afterlife bullshit must have meant ‘us’ as in me and his…” He trailed off as tears began to form “...child.”

“Levi…” Hange walked over and began to rub his back. He flinched at the touch and hopped off the table.

“It must have been the signs… I’m sorry. I just need time alone.” Levi then left the lab and headed back to his room where he laid down to try to sleep, desperate to contact Erwin in a dream.

**  
“Let me help you with that Corporal.” Levi heard behind him.

The footsteps drew closer as the famous titan kid showed up. He was dressed in his uniform and looked as if he left his meeting with Hange. Levi, who was carrying a stack of fresh linens, rolled his eyes. Ever since everyone found out he was carrying the previous commander’s child, the entire Survey Corps pitched in to help.

“I can carry it, I’ll be fine.”

“You’ll carry it down the stairs? Corporal, the stack is blocking your vision, not to mention stairs.”

Levi sighed. The kid had a point. His stomach was beginning to round out with proof he was carrying a child. He handed over the stack and followed the kid down the stairs carefully. He took half the stack back and made his way to the laundry room. After they were put away, it was time for lunch.

“I’m going to grab a bite to eat. Want to join?” He offered the kid. He for some reason was finding comfort in the kid’s presence and didn’t want to shove him away just yet.

“Sure. You can find us a seat and I’ll get the food.” Eren said.

Levi found a spot close to the doors in case he felt sick or needed to escape for personal reasons. As he waited he began to think of how he was going to raise his child. He could feel the flutters and nudges deep inside his stomach where his baby was resting. He rubbed his bigger bump that could be clearly seen. As he sighed, he thought he felt a hand on his lower back and the bench dip under someone’s weight. He looked around to find no one near him and Eren making his way back to him.

“Is everything alright, Corporal?” He asked as he set the trays down. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Feels like it.” Levi admitted before he began to eat his sandwich. “It’s probably my mind playing tricks on me.”

“Mmhm.” Eren didn’t know how to respond.

They continued to eat in silence and once Levi was done, he decided to go back to his room. He felt like cleaning something to keep his mind off of what he thought happened in the lunchroom. Grabbing his cleaning scarf and rags, he set to work. He hummed tunes and his baby fluttered inside. He hoped the baby could hear him and hope they were having a good time in his belly.

As soon as he finished cleaning, he opened the window to let it air out. He opened the door too then relaxed on his bed. His back was beginning to ache so he figured it was time to relax for a while. Levi ended up drifting into a nap and was visited by visions of Erwin. It was odd. Those who watched him sleep could see his face scrunched up but in reality he was relaxed.

“Levi, you are looking well.” Dream Erwin said.

Levi couldn’t help but smile. “I have to. I’m carrying your giant spawn.”

“I am glad they are safe.”

“How can you talk to me?” Levi wanted to get to the point.

“We live in a strange world with Titans. Surely whatever this is, can be considered normal.” Dream Erwin walked over to him and wrapped his arms around the corporal in a hug.

“Erwin, I miss you. I miss you so much.” Levi cried in his embrace.

“I’m with you always. And I’ll be there.”

Levi opened his eyes and found he was back in his room. His cheek and pillow was wet from his dream. There came a knock at his door and it opened to reveal the commander. She had a concerned look on her face as she made her way into the room. She sat on the bed next to Levi and carefully reached over to pet his hair to comfort him. He continued to cry into his pillow and eventually drifting back into his nap.

**  
“Only three more months!”

Levi ignored the commander’s squeal when he entered her lab for his check up. His back was hurting as were his feet and he had no one there to rub them. The baby kicked the shit out of him most days and it was crazy. The weather was finally warming up and it was going to be a bitch to have the baby in the heat.

“Yeah yeah…” He trailed off. He spotted a vision of the giant blonde staring out the window by the exam table but when he blinked, he was gone. Levi didn’t dare tell Hange about any of his visions and dreams of Erwin. He didn’t want to find him going crazy and not focusing towards their child.

Hange began to feel around his huge belly. His belly button had begun to stick out and was very sensitive. It tickled him when Hange poked it and laughed. She then used her stethoscope to listen to his bump. She smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

“Baby Ackerman-Smith is super healthy. They respond well to light, they respond well to sound and they have a strong heartbeat. You are going to have a great baby!” Hange helped fixed his shirt and him to sit up. He gave her a thanks then decided to enjoy the warm weather.

Levi walked the grounds and talked to his baby. He told them stories about their father and how great he was. It made him miss the giant more.

“Thanks for telling them about me.” Levi heard the familiar voice. He looked over to his right to see the pristine blonde giant.

Levi stopped. This isn’t the first time he’d seen the blonde outside his dreams. He was trying to get used to it. “I always tell them about you.” He continued to walk.

The blonde was catching up. “Hey, don’t be upset.”

“How can I not be? I’m alone and pregnant with your giant kid. I’m fucking suffering here. Hange’s busy all the time and I’m not fraternizing with the kiddos” Levi snapped back, feeling a mood swing.

“I told you I’d be there.”

“Where? As far as I know, you are just a piece of my fucked up mind projecting itself to give me hallucinations.”

“Levi, I told you that it’s possible!”

“No one can see you but me Erwin!” Levi shouted.

“Corporal?” A new voice appeared.

The teary eyed Levi turned his head to see Armin leaving the castle entrance. He had a confused look on is face. Levi looked back to see Erwin gone. He couldn’t stand it. He was toying with himself by thinking the commander was there.

“Never mind me, Arlert. I’m just a broken old man.” Levi wiped his eyes.

“You aren’t broken, Sir. You are still grieving and expecting a baby. I’m sure your emotions are hard to keep in check.” Armin assured.

Levi only looked to the ground. Maybe he needed a check from Hange. He thanked Armin then walked back inside and to the commander’s office. Upon approaching the office Levi could almost hear an argument from inside the office. He paused before he could even knock.

_“You think I don’t know that, Moblit?”... “I’m trying Moblit.”...” Erwin left only certain information if he died. Guess what, he’s dead and now I’m stuck cleaning up his mess and taking care of his pregnant captain.”... “No I would never hate Erwin for leaving him. These things happen in this field of work.”... “I just don’t want to see Levi hurt and not want his child if it comes out looking like the giant.”_

Levi then took the chance to knock. The door flung open and the commander eyed Levi before relaxing.

“It’s only you.” She opened the door more. “What can I do for you Captain?”

Levi hesitated before he spoke up. “I- I need you to do a psychological evaluation on me.”

“Why the sudden request?”

“I… I keep seeing him… It’s hurting Hange. I want to make sure I’m not broken.”

“Oh hun.” Hange walked over to Levi and have him a hug. “You aren’t broken. We’re not broken.” She led him into her office and had him sit on the couch to relax. She knelt down on the floor and began to rub his feet. “Now tell me why you need an exam?”

Levi took a breath before speaking. “Remember when I told you I saw Erwin in my dreams?” A nod. “I’ve been seeing him outside of them too. He’s there for a short conversation and then is gone. He always mentions that he’ll ‘be there’ but I have no idea what he means. Its hurting everytime I see him. I don’t know if I’m going crazy.”

“You’re not crazy.” Hange looked away. “The truth is, I’ve seen Moblit outside my dreams too. I just had an arguement with him before you knocked. So far he hasn’t been as cryptic as Erwin, but he’s got to be here for a reason.”

“I hope he’s not keeping you up at night.” Levi smirked.

“Har har. I doubt he’d be back to get revenge on me from when I kept him up most nights. The both of them are obviously here for our wellbeing.”

After Hange finished rubbing Levi’s ankles, she got up and sat next to him on the couch. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and brought him close. The baby moved and Levi grabbed her hand to feel again. She smiled and kissed the top of his head.

“If anything, I’ll be here for you. You’re like a little brother to me.”

“I’m honored, Hange. I’m sure Erwin will appreciate it.”

**  
Levi only had two weeks left before it was baby time. He had been able to set up a little area in his room for the baby to sleep and live with the captain. At the moment he was walking the grounds with his hands on his back to relieve some of the pain. Erwin was walking with him to carry out conversation and to keep his mind off the pain. The baby kicked him hard and he let out a painful gasp. The captain could feel the former commander’s touches and the hands supported him to stand back up.

“The baby seems eager to meet you.” Erwin joked.

“Not funny. Mind you, this is your fault. You implanted your giant genes into my ass.” Levi snapped.

“But you enjoyed every minute of it.” Erwin teased, kissing Levi on his cheek.

Levi couldn’t help but blush as a reaction. He seemed more relaxed after receiving the affection. Levi finished his walk before going to the mess hall then retiring to his room for the night. Erwin was there every step of the way. He had been more there for the past month and never left Levi’s sight.

As Levi settled to bed, he felt his own bed dip in Erwin’s weight and have his arm wrap around his waist in a way to protect the baby. Levi woke up to his dream with Erwin and smiled. They seemed to sit on an object and have Erwin hold him in his arms. The former commander ran his hands over the large bump where his child lay.

“Not long now.” Erwin kissed the top of Levi’s head.

“Hange says I should deliver soon. The surgery is going to take a toll on my body. I made arrangements for Mikasa to take over my duty while I recover.” Levi informed.

“She is a good soldier. You should discuss giving her a team with Hange.”

Levi hummed while he nodded. His expression changed though when he felt his child kick him hard followed by tightening of his stomach. Erwin seemed to jump back in surprise.

“Levi, wake up.”

Levi woke up to pain. His stomach hurt so bad. The moment he relaxed, he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He sat up and rubbed his stomach and began to walk in the direction of Hange’s lab or office, whichever was closer and one she was in. Two minutes of slow walking and Levi felt the pains again and increase. This was very bad.

“Fuck,” He cursed under his breath, “Let’s go to Aunt Hange’s. She’ll help you into the world.”

The pain was too much though for him to walk. He wondered where everyone was but he remembered it was the middle of the night. Levi then felt two warm hands pick him up bridal style and carry him. One of the night patrols saw Levi and gasped when he saw Erwin. The pain was getting worse for Levi and it was time to deliver.

Erwin brought Levi to the lab and lucky enough there was Hange with Moblit looking over her shoulder. “Hange, he needs help.”

She looked up from her seat to see the frantic blonde. She started to tear up until Levi snapped.

“Hange! Any minute now!”

“R-right! Moblit help me prepare.” The sandy blonde nodded and began to grab supplies. Within the hour Hange had sucessfully opened up Levi and delivered his child.

Erwin sat by Levi’s head holding his hand and stroking his hair as he was being operated. Erwin smiled when he saw his baby and gave Levi a kiss while the captain slipped into a deep sleep. Hange held the baby and quickly cut it from Levi and stitched him up. Erwin kissed his baby and Levi once more before walking out of the lab doors.

As Levi slept he dreamed of the blonde giant one last time.

He hugged the commander and cried. His belly was gone and the golden light around Erwin was fading. The light that guided him the past nine months was fading away. “Don’t leave me.” Levi begged.

“It is my time. I told you I would be there.” Erwin kissed the top of his head.

“You meant the delivery?” Gray met blue.

The taller one nodded. “And I’ll be there for the rest of time. Our child will be a lot like us. Please raise them well and tell them all about me.”

“Of course! Anything! I’ll never forget you Erwin… I … I love you so much.” Levi let the dream tears fall. Dream Erwin was beginning to fade.

“I love you too, Levi.”

Levi grabbed his tie and brought the blonde down to one last kiss. The second the light faded, Levi woke in the real world. The room was dimly lit and he was in fresh clean bed. The pristine sheets felt soft to his touch. Hange must have heard him stirr for she came from around the curtain, holding a little bundle. She helped him sit up a little before handing over his newfound pride and joy.

“She’s a healthy one. 8 lbs 6 oz.”

“She?” Levi asked. Hange confirmed and he smiled. He saw her tuft of blonde hair and faint faint outline of familiar bushy brows. He smiled at the sight, happy to have Erwin with him for the rest of his life. “She’s beautiful.”

“That she is. Her papa must be proud up there.” Hange said as she sat on the bed. “I couldn’t ask for a more perfect niece.”

“Thank you Hange, for everything. Thank Moblit too.”

“Levi… Erwin left after you fell asleep.” She sadly informed.

“I know. He gave me his farewell in the dream. But she’s with me now and that’s all I can ask for.” He paused. “Did Moblit leave too?”

Hange shook her head. “He’s not here now, but I figured out the reason why he’s still here.”

“How come?”

“We never confessed our love for each other.” She admitted.

Levi’s gaze traveled back to his daughter. It hurt that Erwin left but he was happy to have a piece of him. He could get where the commander was coming from with letting go. But it was going to hurt worse down the road. He sighed before telling her all this and she promised to tell Moblit in her dream. Levi offered Hange to be there was a mother figure for his daughter. She agreed and was happy to have family there for her.

“Right. Now what’s the name for the little flower?”

“Evelyn Isabelle Smith. She deserves to have her father’s namesake.”

“It’s beautiful.” Hange agreed.

Levi was happy with the results. At first he thought he was broken and was surprised that Hange was struggling too. But when he was assured, he knew that he was never broken. It was just a natural part of life to grieve. It just takes time to move on and be yourself again. Looking at his little girl and Hange, he knew that Erwin still lived, in his mind, heart, and family.

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Like art? Please check out my instagram @: gryffindordetectiveofstarfleet


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